Earthquakes and Rainbows

A personal update from the studio

Nov 11, 2024

Hi friends,

It’s been a while since I last wrote to you, mostly because I have not known how to write about what has been happening with me over the last four months.

The best way I can describe it is that I have been experiencing a spiritual awakening. In July, I had a very powerful experience that profoundly shook the foundations of my life, my identity and my fundamental view of reality. I won’t go into the whole story here, but please let me know if you’re interested and maybe I will tell it another time.

The main message that I got from that experience was that I have been stuck in fear. It makes a lot of sense when you know that I have been medicated for depression and anxiety for 12 years. More than my individual experience though, the reality of this world is that fear is ever-present, especially at the moment. There is a lot to be afraid of. But does staying stuck in the fear actually help?

My journey as an artist has been one of healing the fear, despair and hopelessness through the powerful practice of creating something with your own hands. When everything feels overwhelmingly gloomy, you can choose to fall into the darkness and become lost, or to look for the light and the rainbow that will show you the way out.

This piece, ‘Hope on the Horizon’ has been selected for a group exhibition here in Amsterdam at the MINA gallery from December 6. The exhibition is called ‘Between Vulnerability and Resilience: Coping with the Tightrope’ which is all about mental health. If you’re local I would love to see you at the show opening on 6 December from 17:00- 20:00.

This piece is also available to purchase as a print from my website

In August, another earthquake shook the foundations of my identity when I was diagnosed with ADHD. This is another huge topic that could be a huge essay on its own. There is a huge number of older women being diagnosed at the moment because (like so many things), the initial research was conducted on men and boys, ignoring the experience of women and girls. ADHD is comorbid with depression, anxiety, eating disorders and substance abuse, especially when it is undiagnosed (I have been affected by all of these). I have a lot of grief when I contemplate my earlier life; how much I struggled and suffered and blamed myself for not coping. In retrospect, it is easy to see that I was trying my best but was handicapped by a neurotype that is at odds with modern life.

This period has also been difficult financially and I have been exploring the possibility of retraining and finding other work. Doing this whilst trying not to get stuck in fear and negativity has been a challenge! My preference would be for my art business to also be my livelihood, but it is not an easy path to tread. I feel very strongly that my life purpose is to help others navigate the hard parts of life through my creative practice and teaching, so I don’t want to stop altogether. I am trying to trust my intuition and the universe that ‘all shall be well’ if I follow the path of love and hope.

So what next? You may notice a shift in the focus of my work, more explicitly orienting my art and work with my spirituality. It has always been there as an undercurrent, but I feel that it needs to be more of a central part of my practice. I have some exciting ideas for online courses and YouTube videos, so keep an eye out for those if they speak to you.

In December I am running an in-person workshop as part of the exhibition at MINA gallery:

The Amsterdam Sketchbook Social group is going well, so if you’re local to Amsterdam you may like to join the WhatsApp group where I announce upcoming dates. It’s totally free to attend, you just have to buy something from the café, or may be asked for a small donation to cover costs, depending on the venue.

You may like to check out my latest YouTube videos if you missed them: